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How I wish I could turn back the clock!



 "Youth comes but once in a life time!"                                                                  
                 
               ___H.W.Longfellow.

         
                 
             Traversing through  life, how often do we look back wistfully at our past and wish we could go back, wish we could live it all over again, just one more time?   Each time we witness the young around us enjoying life, enjoying their freedom and pursuing dreams with an enviable vigour, how we wish we could swap places! Sigh.

             A few days ago, I happened to have a chat with a 23 year old cousin. Excited about her future and the plans she had chalked out for herself, she had quite a lot to share with me. The sparkle in her eyes and the enthusiasm in her voice spoke a lot about how eager she was to embark upon the path she had chosen! Her enthusiasm was, indeed, contagious, for it left me yearning to turn the clock back and re-enter that age I left behind almost 2 decades ago.

          Were I to find Aladdin's lamp, I would ask the Genie to transport me back to the past I so wished to return to. A past I would  relive, albeit a tad differently. A hundred things I would rectify, make better decisions, make wiser choices, but most of all, live for myself for some more time.
     
         Of course, it does not mean I have not enjoyed what I have received in life, or found happiness in the decisions  I made, but a tiny part of me does rue the fact that there are some things I could have done differently...should have done differently!

         We accept all that life hands us at every step. We feel grateful when we are handed something that adds value to our life, raises our self-worth, but feel let down when we are dealt a tough hand. And at other times, we look back at how  things could have been different had we made some other decisions than the ones we actually made! Are we ever satisfied by what we receive?

       In spite of understanding how the  mind works, there are times I feel, that was I granted a chance, I would go back into my past and change quite a few  things - right from being a better daughter, to making better career choices and even giving myself some more time before taking the plunge into holy matrimony!

      I would do things that seem appealing to my much more mature mind now, than they did to a young, carefree me back then. But, as a friend pointed out, that for all we know, things that appear promising now might be the exact opposite of what I imagine. I have to agree with that!

      True, I wasn't able to achieve things I fancied all these years; true, life threw a curveball and caught me unawares, but all of that did make me a different human being than I had ever thought of being.  Different, and may I say, better? Blogging as a hobby, and a possible profession, and which  was something I had never imagined, happened, because I made the decisions that I did back then. Decisions that, at times, I repent having made! This leaves me feeling grateful, for sure.

      There are, of course, a few things I would have loved to do, but can't do so now, as my youth has passed.  Although I don't consider myself a 40 plus woman, certain things are best done when you have no responsibility towards another soul, isn't it? Like travelling alone to places far and wide and exploring and  experiencing the world first-hand, or, making career choices that may not appear very glamorous, but may actually be beneficial in the long run. Sigh. The train has passed, why rue about it now?

      All I can conclude is, that I made certain decisions that tested my patience and endurance, and transformed me into the person I was destined to become. A much better version of my past self, perhaps. All I should conclude is, that life handed me lemons and I made lemonade! It's a proverb I would puzzle over in my youth.  Age taught me its meaning.

     So, would I still want to turn back the clock? Probably not. Or, maybe a wee bit, just for  a short while, so I could see how things would have been if...er, no, I think I will leave the clock in peace.

      Life's good. Or, maybe better than expected!

 

Have you ever wished you could go back and change a few things in your past to see how life shaped up? I would love to hear! 
 

 With Love,

  SHILPA...

  


     
     
   
      

Comments

  1. A poignant post and thought-provoking too!
    I think you've done yourself proud, managed your life well, be the lovely, warm and understanding person you are despite the curveballs you faced. Surprisingly, I have no regrets so I for one have no wish to change anything from my past. I only wish time would flow past a bit slower allow me to savor some memories, linger over some cherished moments.

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    1. Thank you, Kala!
      Yes, I ought to be proud of myself for handling my life the way I did despite the curveballs. I think we could say, life happens when we are busy planning other things, right? That's what actually happens. And, if we are happy with what life dished out, then we are lucky life turned out the way it did!
      I admire your way of thinking and accepting and being happy with whatever came your way. It shows the wisdom you have been blessed with!

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  2. I know exactly what you mean. While I accept the journey I have taken, had I been given a second chance, there is definitely so much I would have changed, so many rash decisions nipped in the bud.

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    1. Rash decisions..that's it, that's what this kind of wishful thinking is all about, isn't it, doc? In our youth, we tend to take such rash decisions, jump off without thinking and then. after many years, repent for what we did back then. There are a few decisions I would have liked to change, but now that I think about it all, I feel that whatever happened, was destined to happen. It all happens for a reason, right?

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  3. I would like to turn back the clock but in that process I would not want to lose all the wisdom I have gained in my years. I do envy to energy and endless possibility that young people have. There is a saying 'youth is wasted on the young'. Not sure I agree with that saying however I do with I had known to enjoy my youth more. Great post! I happened upon it via the Write Tribe group on Facebook.

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    1. How true the saying is, Wendy! "Youth is wasted on the young"..and now that with age we have achieved all the wisdom, we cannot go back to being young and live our life once again, make improvements and think of a 'supposed' better life, can we?
      Thank you for visiting! :)

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  4. Oh love how your thoughts took you to a full circle. I would probably feel the same - that I should go back in time and do some things differently. But I don't think I should. I am somehow happy at the way things are.

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    1. I am glad you feel this way, Shalini! You are a brave girl!
      Yes, there are some things I feel like changing,but if i look at it wisely, I am sure I will see how those very things led me to where I am today. And, today, I am in a happy space! :)

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  5. This is such a poignant post Shilpa. Well, there are a few things I would love to change. But I would not too because I have learned so much that changing those things wouldn't help. I am a firm believer in things happening for a reason. All I want is to live life to the fullest .

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    1. Oh yes! You are so right, Ramya! Things do happen for a reason. A reason we learn about later, when we reflect upon life some time in the future! I too believe the same! :)
      Thank you for visiting, Ramya!

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  6. Nice post Shilps. Be nice if was wiser when younger and could be younger now that I am wiser :) I really miss that energetic me.

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    1. Hey, i am so happy to read your comment, sis!
      True, it would have been better had we had even an ounce of the wisdom back then which we now do. Things might have been different. But, now that we have that wisdom we lacked back then, we ought to be grateful for all that we have now! :)

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  7. I know what you mean. I feel the urge to stop the time. It seems everything is moving too fast and I want more time in a month or year maybe. I won't change anything cos I feel all those learning make me who I am but at the same time I would love more time in the sense of soaking it all in.
    Lovely post Shilpa and made me stop and reflect.

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    1. I so agree Parul. It's those decisions we made back then that are responsible for making us who we are today. And, to be frank, I am sure we all feel proud of ourselves when we look back to see what pathetic human beings we were! We sure have come a long way and it's best we keep moving ahead than yearn to go back!
      Thank you for your comment, my dear! <3

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  8. I don't want to change anything about me even though I had done mistakes in the past. Even if I could change few of those, I'm sure the renewed me would commit some other mistakes or would want some other changes. It will only result in triggering the grass is greener on the other side again and again. But I do like the idea of going back in time and just staying there, enjoying my life without worrying as an outsider. Lovely post, Shilpa. :)

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    1. Yes, Vinitha, going back in the past and staying in that carefree time zone just a little but more is what we all so wish for! :)

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  9. So many MANY times, Shilpa!
    But it's really not fair to look back at our past through the eyes of "after thought". We could have done a lot many things differently if we knew better, but we didn't. We did the best we could with what we knew. And we learned. I think that's what is important.
    - Chicky @ www.mysteriouskaddu.com

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    1. You said it so well, Chicky! We did the best with what we knew, and we learned....so much!
      Thank you for the lovely comment, Chicky! <3

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  10. Loved your post, Shilpa. A bit wistful but also accepting. I could relate to you talking with your cousin and feeling excited for her starting out. I feel excited for my son going off to Ireland to school in January and how he's almost done school and so much awaits.Youth is so exciting with all the possibilities.

    I feel very nostalgic about the past, too and often wish I could go back and do it again properly. I'd worry less and enjoy more. Take more risks and not care what others thought so much. But alas, I can't do that so must be grateful for the good stuff I did do in my youth and there is so much good stuff. Now I must make the best of the present and how ever many days I've got left.

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