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A page from my diary.




                I plonk on the sofa, my cheese sandwich in hand, and a sudoku puzzle to work on. Life's good, I muse. Cheese sandwich, sudoku and  cold coffee work wonders on my blue moods. I throw a glance at the overcast evening and realise that I did not spot the rainbow this year - my most loved part of the monsoon. Couple evenings ago, as I gazed at my lily turf, I wondered when will I see those pretty pink blossoms, and as if granting my wish the very next day, I saw not one, but two flowers, wishing me a very good morning! Maybe my wish for the rainbow will  get fulfilled, after all.

           Life gives you surprises, for sure. Life also gives you sad moments - moments that spring upon you when you are lost in the mundane stuff. A few days ago, my SIL spotted an injured fledgling lying in the corner of our lobby. She called me to inform me about the poor baby and begged me to bring it home. I was reluctant.  It had fallen out of its nest and was hurt. Whether I brought it home or left it there to its fate, it would die. SIL kept up with her pleadings and so, out of pity for both - my SIL and the baby sparrow - I asked the watchman to bring the birdie upstairs.

       The poor baby was in a bad state, would be an understatement. Petrified of its surroundings and separated from its parents, it was in a pitiful  state. Panting with fear, it cowered in  a corner of the basket in which I placed it. I tried feeding it some drops of water with the help of a cotton ball, but, of course it refused to have it. It had no idea I was trying to help, It would stop breathing each time I tenderly ran a finger over its head, in a vain attempt to soothe the panic-stricken soul.  I knew I was making things worst, but I couldn't think of anything else. I hadn't felt this helpless in years!

      After a while, I decided to read up on what one must do if one spots a fledgling fallen from its nest. And, the first thing the expert informed was NEVER should one pick it up and bring it home. Its parents keep hovering around it, trying to find ways to help their baby back to the nest. I just broke down  and sobbed as I realised my folly. Begging for forgiveness, I took the basket downstairs and placed the baby sparrow from where it was found and returned home, all the while sending fervent prayers heavenwards for its safety and wellbeing. Although, all the while,  the knowledge  that my prayers would go unanswered, gnawed at me within.

     My entire day passed by in a daze as the heart-rending image of the injured fledgling kept flashing before my eyes, its pitiful cries calling its mother echoing in my ears. I begged God to look out for it and do something to help the poor thing, for, it's possible only to Him to hear His children's cries. Alas,  as I had known all along, our  prayers went unanswered - mine and the baby's. Late in the evening, as I went downstairs to have a look at it, I found that it had passed away. It was natural - the birdie meeting its end; its situation was rather bleak. I consoled myself that whatever happened was in the best interests of the bird - it wouldn't have to deal with the harsh realities of  life.

      Its been a few days now since that incident, but those moments still haunt me, break my heart. I love sparrows, and to watch a baby sparrow meeting its end because of a silly mistake on my part, is unacceptable, unpardonable - to me! I hope I am forgiven. Had I left it there in the first place, its parents would have helped it somehow and gotten it back to its nest. Sadly, destiny had other plans for us!

      Life is full of such instances - heartbreaking moments that fill us with sadness and happy ones that fill us with hope. It's the happy ones that we remember, mostly. Or, is it the sad ones that haunt us night and day? This incident will stay on in a corner of my mind for years to come. But, the next time I spot an injured fledgling fallen from its nest, I will just leave it alone and pray for its safe return to its home, to its parents.

      And, I will also keep looking for my rainbow - for me, it's a promise that there's magic in life! Life is not only dark and gloomy clouds, but also the ray of sunlight that gives those clouds a silver lining, and us, a ray of hope. Life is not all grey and bleak, but also that vibrant rainbow that wipes away our tears and fills our heart with joy!

      Rest in peace, my dear fledgling. May you find peace among those soft and fluffy clouds. And, may you help me spot my rainbow. For me, it will be a sign that all's fine with you and that you are happy where you are!



Comments

  1. Try not to feel too guilty. You were only trying to help the poor bird and I think we should never harbour any guilt for taking action and helping. Nature is often so cruel and harsh how small creatures often die. It was probably going to die anyhow. Hard to accept. Just be grateful for nature's beauty and how we can be part of it even for a short time and share in the highs and lows since we, too, are a part of Nature even though we tend to forget that. Lovely heartfelt post.

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    1. True, Cat. Nature is very harsh and cruel, at times. And, there is really nothing we can do about certain things, can we? Yes, I will be grateful for what I can enjoy, even if for a short time. That's how life must be lived, isn't it?

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  2. Oh so sad! I can imagine how bad you must have felt Shilpa! Let it be, it had to happen, it happened. May many more lovely lilies bloom in your home and keeping looking out for the rainbow....I am sure you'll find it soon enough!

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    1. Yes, Kala, I am sure I will have many more lilies blooming in my garden and many more rainbows painting a colourful picture in the sky!

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  3. I learnt something today, Shilpa. I've done this too so many times and lost the little ones.
    You have such a gentle soul. Thank you! ♥

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    1. I am glad I, too, learnt a lesson, Corinne! Though, not quite the way I should have learnt it, but, still, a lesson in life-saving, for sure!
      Thank you! :)

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  4. We do the best we can to aid those in pain. Hope? That remains in the heart... and can it not be in a smile from someone who passes you by? Or a song on the radio that helps you revisit a happier moment?
    I ask this because it is the way I see hope. As an anaesthesiologist, I am surrounded by pain and tears. It takes a lot out of someone like me who (like you) thinks from the heart. Which is why I look for comfort in the abstract - a chocolate, a kind gesture, a wagging tail. They are my rainbows... and I think you will find they are yours too :D

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    1. Wow! Roshan, your comment brought a lump in my throat! Yes, we need to look for our own different kind of rainbows in things as abstract as they can be, coz those are the things that will give us hope and happiness. I am sure I am going to look for my rainbows to keep me going! :)
      Thanks a ton for these beautiful words, doc!

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  5. I can picture your pain, Shilpa, as you must have felt while helplessly watching that bird leave you. Don't beat yourself up. These things happen. Believe me, I wish they didn't, but they do. Sigh. Big hugs and you and I have a lot to talk about when we meet.

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    1. ThanK you, my dearie! I am.trying yo get over it. Part of nature - I keep telling myself!
      And yes, we do need to talk...a lot!

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  6. You just reminded me of that one time when I tried to save a chick by feeding her a grain. I was in class 3 then. But till now I feel terrible. Don't feel too guilty... we learn from mistakes after all...have a good weekend.

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    1. Yes, Raj,.we do learn big lessons from our mistakes. I am glad in a way, at least another baby will not meet a similar fate.

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  7. And the Lily photos are beautiful. It feels so good to see plants bloom after a long wait.

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    1. Thank you, Raj! I love my lilies. ..In fact I love them all! :)

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    2. Thank you, Raj! I love my lilies. ..In fact I love them all! :)

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  8. You did what you thought would help her live so don't feel bad about it. You have also taught us all an important lesson. Maybe one fledgling died but all those others we all might have tried to reduce in future have been saved. Perhaps that was the reason for all this. You are a beautiful soul and rainbow will definitely brighten up your spirits one day. Never stop hoping. By the way I love sudoku too with my cup of tea 🙂

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    1. :) Thank you, Sunaina! Yes, the baby sparrow will surely look out for her kind - the babies we might make the mistake of trying to help in the future.
      Sudoku does feature on the top of the most loved games, isn't it? :)

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  9. It happened to me once when I was a child when we picked the baby fledgling who died when we carried and touched her. We wanted to help but the poor thing died. We were so heart broken and called ourselves sinners.

    Keep smiling and perhaps it was nature way to show love to you and showering the fledgling love from your side.

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    1. I can imagine what you must have gone through, Vishal. Such acts, though heartbreaking, do teach us lessons, don't they?
      You keep smiling, too! :)

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